What's in a unique name?
Originally published in The Ocilla Star on June 9, 2010
In today's day and age, the social aspect of the internet increases the importance of having a unique name. Whether it's social networking on Facebook or Twitter or doing a search for someone on Google, folks who have a unique, rare name will have an advantage.
Search John Smith or Anne Williams and you're likely to get millions of hits. Search through about a thousand of them and you'll finally find one you think is the right one, but you'll probably be wrong.
And it's not just personal names. Business names have the same problem.
I was trying to look up a couple of businesses that were doing business with the local county commission and got dozens of hits for dozens of businesses with similar names.
Because the internet is so keyed to keywords, being able to find the right person or business on a word search is significantly valuable. Also, a unique name can avoid confusion.
Who wants to be named Michael Jackson or Jesse James these days? And you never know which celebrity is going to get in trouble and ruin your good name in the future.
At least no one's likely to be confused with Tiger Woods on the internet. Why? Because he has a unique name.
A unique name should leave you safe of potential mistaken identity and misplaced embarrassment. If you're a prospective parent, one day your kids will thank you for not naming them Michael or Elizabeth, even though those are fine names from a purely pleasing-to-the-ear point of view.
If you have a rare family name like me, it's relatively easy. Apparently, "Vassey" was a misspelling of "Vassar" when my ancestors arrived on our personal Mayflower, so there aren't a whole lot of us. I may be the only "Dusty Vassey" in the world.
With that in mind, you can get away with an uncommon first name if your last name is rare. Names like Abraham, Esther, Millhouse, Annabelle, Clinton, etc.... they're all acceptable if your last name is Kipling or Kissinger.
But if you're a Smith, a Williams, a Jones, or, especially around here, a Tucker, a Harper or a Paulk, you've got to get really creative to avoid being misidentified on the net.
Maybe you can follow Tiger's parents' lead and use an animal name -- Aardvark Smith, Bumblebee Williams, Vixen Jones, Koala Tucker, Sidewinder Harper or Panda Paulk. Maybe you could use an adjective -- Incognito Smith, Overzealous Williams, Jampacked Jones, Totemic Tucker, Halfbaked Harper or Penultimate Paulk. Or perhaps you prefer an underused noun -- Calisthenics Smith, Appropriations Williams, Journey Jones, Tremble Tucker, Hovercraft Harper or Piledriver Paulk.
All good names certainly, with little chance of being confused with anyone on the web.
But here's the real problem...
If you Google our state's name, you're likely to come up with a whole bunch of references to a former Soviet republic that has about as much to do with our Georgia as cornbread has to do with vodka. This is horrible!
So I suggest we change our state's name to "American Georgia."
Gone would be the confusion when hearing about "war-torn Georgia," and as an added bonus, our state would be the only one with "America" in the name. As patriotic as most of our state-mates are, I can't imagine that the new name wouldn't be extremely popular.
I can see the slogan: "American Georgia -- We're American; it's right there in the name, y'all."
Also, our abbreviation in postal codes would change from GA to AG, which would be very appropriate given the importance of agriculture to our state.
Then again, maybe we should just become the 51st state and have a new state line drawn about 10 miles north of Macon and let South Georgia be American Georgia. I mean, most South Georgians have about as much to do with those folks around Atlanta as cornbread has to do with bottle water.
Regardless, with or without our northerly cousins, we should be "American Georgia." Let those folks in Atlanta pick their own name.
Dusty Vassey is a staff writer for The Ocilla Star. If he ever has a child, he will name it Pepper Nonchalant Vassey, regardless of the child's gender.
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